‘I was refused service in a cafe because of my face’

Subjected to brutal bullying as a child, Amit Ghose says he still has to deal with constant staring, pointing and comments, and has even been refused service in a cafe because of his face.

The 35-year-old from Birmingham described how visiting an independent coffee shop in London recently “everyone was staring at me, and it was like they’d almost seen a ghost”.

“The person serving looked at me and said: ‘Oh, we’re not serving any more’.

“She turned around and walked off. But clearly, clearly they were still serving.”

Amit was born with Neurofibromatosis type 1, a condition that causes non-cancerous tumours to grow along nerves.

But after “learning acceptance” of his facial disfigurement he now shares his motivational story in schools with the aim of helping children “embrace their personalities and celebrate who they are”.

Another recent experience of abuse spurred him on to self publish a children’s book, Born Different.

“I had a couple of individuals come over to me in a park and ask me what happened to my face, and I thought they were just being curious,” he said.

“But actually they started laughing, giggling, saying: ‘Oh my God, if I had a face like you I wouldn’t even come out my house’.”

He said the encounter “really upset” him, “and I thought to myself, I need to do something about this. I need to get this book out. Now is the right time”.

“If I had this book when I was a young child, I think it would have helped me.”

Amit had his left eye surgically removed at the age of 11, leading to further facial disfigurement as well as abuse and bullying.

In the run up to Halloween one year, a child at school told him “you don’t need a Halloween mask, you’ve got one for life”, he recalled.

“That broke me to the point where I did not accept the left hand side of my face,” he said.

“For a very, very long time I hid the face, I just was not comfortable showing it to the world at all.”

Looking back, he said he had not understood the depth of depression and anxiety he experienced then.

“Other children not wanting to come and sit next to me or hiding behind their parents all had a mental effect on me,” he said.

At school, cricket was his passion and it was through playing the game that he eventually made friends.

“Cricket helped me become Amit, that boy who plays cricket, from Amit, the boy who has a funny face,” he explained.

But, he said, even as an adult he still experienced “constant staring”.

“The pointing, the tapping the friend next to them saying ‘have you seen that guy’s face’, that is also constant,” he said.

“But there is kindness out there as well, and that needs highlighting.”

It was his wife Piyali who eventually taught him the “art of acceptance,” he explained.

“Really that I’ve got to accept myself before others can accept me,” he added.

She also persuaded him to start sharing his story on social media.

“I thought TikTok was all about singing and dancing, and I thought maybe not, but she convinced me.

“I created a video and I said to the world: ‘I want to take you all on a journey to help and support and inspire you using my lived experiences.'”

He started his account in early 2023, and has since gone on to gain almost 200,000 followers and millions of likes.

“Me helping people on social media by sharing my story has helped me become more accepting of myself.

“Now I say to the world, this is me, take it or leave it.”

At about the same time, he left his job at a law firm to take up motivational speaking full time.

Helping young people felt so much more important, he said.

He is also about to launch a podcast in which he speaks to others who have had similar experiences, including Oliver Bromley who was ejected from a restaurant because staff said he was “scaring the customers”.

“We’re going to have lots of fun and inspire a lot of people,” he said.

“Disability or no disability, visible difference or no visible difference, we all have insecurities, we all have things that we’re faced with, and challenges we’re faced with.

“I just want to give this narrative to people that if we truly celebrate who we are, accept who we are, fall in love with who we are, then we can be more confident.”