Couple share life with ADHD to help others understand

A woman who found out she had ADHD when she was 36 has said it is “like there is life before and life after” diagnosis.

Rox from Southampton, now 41, said she used to give herself a hard time when she struggled with “what other people call basic things like timekeeping or laundry”.

She said the diagnosis led to “the removal of all that self-blame and hatred” and a “much happier and nicer life”.

Rox and her partner Rich, from Basingstoke, now run ADHD Love, an Instagram account where they share what it is like to navigate a relationship when one partner is neurodivergent and the other is neurotypical.

“I blamed myself and thought I was a bit of an idiot, a bit of a loser, very behind in life,” Rox told BBC Radio Solent’s Rick Jackson.

She summed it up as “a wandering mind, a difficulty with basic tasks, difficulty with memory and directions and constantly losing things”.

She added that it affected her self-esteem and she struggled with depression and alcohol for many years.

She admitted the diagnosis brought mixed emotions at first.

She said it helped her to understand herself and she was very grateful to have a “second go” at life but said she also felt “grief for the years” when she did not know.

“Maybe we didn’t have to give ourselves such a hard time,” she said.

She called it “amazing” to see children getting the support they need but says for her and her generation they are coming to diagnosis later in life.

“Sometimes it’s sad to look back on all of that unlived life,” she said.

Rox, who is a musician, has had therapy since her diagnosis and says it has allowed her to focus on what she is “good at” which she says is creativity.

Speaking ahead of a gig at the Guildhall in Southampton, she said finding out she had ADHD was useful for her partner Rich too as he was able to learn more about it.

Rich admits he knew very little about the condition before Rox’s diagnosis and would get “frustrated” when she would miss dinner dates and forget things like birthdays.

“Since the diagnosis you just come to accept it,” he said.

Adding that it has helped him to treat things with “curiosity rather than judgement”.

The couple’s candid posts on social media have struck a chord with millions of followers.

Through their platform, Rox and Rich say they hope to challenge stigma and help others recognise ADHD sooner.

Rox assures people that regardless of whether someone has a diagnosis or is waiting for one they should treat themselves with kindness.

“You get to be kind to yourself now,” she said.

The pair have gone on to write books on the condition, which they say tackles misconceptions head-on, with chapters named after common labels such as “laziness”.

“We’re not trying to fix people,” says Rich, “it’s about acceptance”.